I'm guessing it is because of the 14% more blacks?
Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Nope... Man Made Global Warming
oldognewtrick
In memory of
But, but, the science proves it.....
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
I mowed the lawn today and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said nothing.
The reason I said nothing instead of saying just thinking is because she then would have asked about what?
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, it might be nice to have another child.
On the other hand you'll never hear a guy say, you know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.
I rest my case, time for another beer and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said nothing.
The reason I said nothing instead of saying just thinking is because she then would have asked about what?
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, it might be nice to have another child.
On the other hand you'll never hear a guy say, you know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.
I rest my case, time for another beer and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the nickels but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading on her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the IRS."
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading on her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the IRS."
oldognewtrick
In memory of
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… dad… I became a prostitute…”
“Ye what!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”
“For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…”
“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.
Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff… a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.”
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."
Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… dad… I became a prostitute…”
“Ye what!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”
“For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…”
“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.
Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff… a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.”
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Donuts, yes Twix, not so much. Makes a uniform full of chocolate.
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says “think I’m gonna divorce the wife - she ain’t spoke to me in over 2 months...”
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says “you better think it over; women like that are hard to find!!!”
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says “you better think it over; women like that are hard to find!!!”
oldognewtrick
In memory of
2
