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Chris
I'd see how the visit goes before offering any type of living permanently with you. Make the visit at least a couple weeks so you have time to feel him out. I'd have him help you with jobs around your house and even at some of your businesses. See how he handles responsibility , takes direction and completes work. See how he interacts with your kids and wife and your animals. Then decide how you want to proceed.
 
Chris said:
What would you guys do?

My nephew, he is 26 years old. My sister pawned him off on my mom most of his life to be with men. Her husband didnt want him around so she chose the husband over her kid. My mom raised him until he was 15 when she passed away. She spoiled him due to my sister bieng who she is. Then my sister had to take him. She soon divorced husband for a second time ( he was an abusing bastard) she was decent to hom in between men but keeps picking losers. Well nephew ends up being a pot smoking loser. The last few years he has been trying to do better. He got a dui a couple years ago which he is still dealing with. He was going to move out of California with freind, he had a job lined up so he quit his and during the move they let him know he failed the background check due to his dui since its not 100 percent done yet. No hes on his moms couch and cant get a job due to his open court case. Mom still treats him like a red headed step child, she spoils the crap out of her other son and rubd it in the face of him. Its odd to me. He hasnt been the best kid but she has also been a crappy parent to him.

My wife has been talking to him. He really needs out of that situation and out of that small town. We have thought about offering him to come up to our place but im not sure i want to take that on. I also feel bad because he is family and has had a crap life. So far i told him id pay for his gas to come visit for Christmas.

What would you do?
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You have to think of your kids first. If you do offer him a place, be clear that if he screws up, he is on the street and make him find a job.
We have my step son living here. He can't keep a job because he can't get along with anyone. If it was up to me he would be gone.
 
Just don't enable him more. Maybe he is just looking for another free couch to plop his ass on. As said before, a 1-2 week evaluation will let him know your expectations. If he doesn't approve, then there is your answer.
 
I know him pretty well. We didnt get a long for a while because i was the mean uncle that wouldn't enable him. I would have him do odd jobs but he would want to get paid up front then not finish. But he was still a teenager then. My sister also painted me as a bad guy because im a no bs person, i tell it how it is and dont have time for games so thats why she hasnt liked me.

Ill do the trial period first and see how it goes. He is respectful to us and my kids. The way he acts is like he wants to belong but tries to hard and sometimes not in the right way. Everybody that knows me knows i will help in any way for someone to better themselves but if you cross the line you are done. You pretty much get that one chance. I came from the same situation and had a few people help me a lot and i like to pay that forward. I wouldn't be where i am if it wasn't for some good advice.
 
Havasu said:
If anyone can turn him around, it would be you. Just remember, a hand up is far better than a hand out.
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I dont do hand out, unless i never want to see you again. Give a guy 100 bucks that you know will never pay you back and he will avoid you like the plague, its worth it sometimes.
 
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