That is horrible. How is the gel coat?
Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.
He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes.
Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: you may not feel anything from the waist down.
Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply, then can I feel your ****s?
And that, my friends, is a positive attitude.
He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes.
Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: you may not feel anything from the waist down.
Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply, then can I feel your ****s?
And that, my friends, is a positive attitude.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank.
In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards
away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car
going 90 mph, right into the open window. BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said
to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says. "You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the
house so she doesn't get raped!"
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago.”
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank.
In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards
away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car
going 90 mph, right into the open window. BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said
to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says. "You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the
house so she doesn't get raped!"
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago.”
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco.
Allegedly, the nurses are very beautiful and they are much more gentle.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.
She told me, now don't worry, at this stage of the procedure, it's quite normal to get an erection.
I don't have an erection, I replied.
I do, replied the nurse.
Never get a colonoscopy in San Francisco.
Allegedly, the nurses are very beautiful and they are much more gentle.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.
She told me, now don't worry, at this stage of the procedure, it's quite normal to get an erection.
I don't have an erection, I replied.
I do, replied the nurse.
Never get a colonoscopy in San Francisco.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
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