Nuttier than a fruitcake. This world has gone mad.
Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
I was at the checkout of a local Walmart.
The cashier rang up $46.64 charges.
I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she
had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and
knew what she was doing, and she returned the money again.
I gave her the money back -- same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.
They Walk Among Us! .....
I walked into a Starbucks with a
buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at
a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'
"They're already buy-one- get-one-free," she said,
"so I guess they're both free."
She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us! .....
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends,
when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and asked, "Where?"
They Walk Among Us! .....
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north; because, he explained,
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East,
and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,
"Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!! .....
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked
what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open
24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
They Walk Among Us! .....
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us! .....
My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed
that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought two cases.
The cashier multiplied two times 10%
and gave us a 20% discount.
They Walk Among Us! .....
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area,
so I went to the lost luggage office and
told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
So I replied, "No Ma'am, The Pilot told us we're circling the airport, 3rd in line to land" .....
They Walk Among Us! .....
While working at a pizza place, I observed
a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone, and the cook asked him
if he would like it cut into four pieces or six..
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into four pieces.
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat six pieces."
The cashier rang up $46.64 charges.
I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she
had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and
knew what she was doing, and she returned the money again.
I gave her the money back -- same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.
They Walk Among Us! .....
I walked into a Starbucks with a
buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at
a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'
"They're already buy-one- get-one-free," she said,
"so I guess they're both free."
She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us! .....
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends,
when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and asked, "Where?"
They Walk Among Us! .....
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north; because, he explained,
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East,
and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,
"Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!! .....
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked
what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open
24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
They Walk Among Us! .....
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us! .....
My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed
that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought two cases.
The cashier multiplied two times 10%
and gave us a 20% discount.
They Walk Among Us! .....
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area,
so I went to the lost luggage office and
told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
So I replied, "No Ma'am, The Pilot told us we're circling the airport, 3rd in line to land" .....
They Walk Among Us! .....
While working at a pizza place, I observed
a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone, and the cook asked him
if he would like it cut into four pieces or six..
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into four pieces.
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat six pieces."
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Someone needs to wash the windows in my yacht a few hundred yards away.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
chili cheese dog
oldognewtrick
In memory of
An oldie but a goodie...
I mowed the lawn today and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, nothing.
She then said, that’s what you did yesterday!
I replied, I wasn't done so I'm in the middle of finishing right now.
The reason I said nothing instead of saying just thinking is because she then would have asked, about what? At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, it might be nice to have another child.
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, you know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.
I rest my case.
Time for another beer and then maybe a nap.
I mowed the lawn today and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, nothing.
She then said, that’s what you did yesterday!
I replied, I wasn't done so I'm in the middle of finishing right now.
The reason I said nothing instead of saying just thinking is because she then would have asked, about what? At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, it might be nice to have another child.
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, you know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.
I rest my case.
Time for another beer and then maybe a nap.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
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