Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
Floorist
The Almighty
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong", and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong", and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
'Cause
NOBODY
oldognewtrick
In memory of
'Cause
NOBODY
Yes, sir, we are here to test your illegal drugs for the Virus...
Sir we have good news and bad news; The good news is your drugs are clean from the Virus, The bad news is you are under arrest and going to jail for 15-20 years.
Floorist
The Almighty
Where you probably get the virus.
In California, you'd be released the same day.
'Cause
NOBODY
In Ca. The cops would take half the drugs, and then in a day or two come back for the rest...
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Bitchin Ride.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
oldognewtrick
In memory of
ECONOMIC STIMULUS
For your information!
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive an economic stimulus check from the government. It is indeed a very exciting program and I’ll attempt to explain it by using a Q&A format:
Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money that they are sending to the taxpayers?
A: From the taxpayers.
Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you purchase a computer, the money goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.
* If you buy a fuel efficient car the money will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
Instead, keep the money in America by”
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Going to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Buying beer, or
(5) Buying a tattoo
These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
No need to thank me I’m just glad I could be of help.
For your information!
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive an economic stimulus check from the government. It is indeed a very exciting program and I’ll attempt to explain it by using a Q&A format:
Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money that they are sending to the taxpayers?
A: From the taxpayers.
Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you purchase a computer, the money goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.
* If you buy a fuel efficient car the money will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
Instead, keep the money in America by”
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Going to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Buying beer, or
(5) Buying a tattoo
These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
No need to thank me I’m just glad I could be of help.
Floorist
The Almighty
'Cause
NOBODY
ECONOMIC STIMULUS
For your information!
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive an economic stimulus check from the government. It is indeed a very exciting program and I’ll attempt to explain it by using a Q&A format:
Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money that they are sending to the taxpayers
A: From the taxpayers.
Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you purchase a computer, the money goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.
* If you buy a fuel efficient car the money will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
Instead, keep the money in America by”
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Going to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Buying beer, or
(5) Buying a tattoo
These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
No need to thank me I’m just glad I could be of help.
For your information!
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive an economic stimulus check from the government. It is indeed a very exciting program and I’ll attempt to explain it by using a Q&A format:
Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money that they are sending to the taxpayers
A: From the taxpayers.
Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you purchase a computer, the money goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.
* If you buy a fuel efficient car the money will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
Instead, keep the money in America by”
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Going to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Buying beer, or
(5) Buying a tattoo
These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
No need to thank me I’m just glad I could be of help.
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
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