Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
Floorist
The Almighty
f a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he’s “offended”."
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he’s “offended”."
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
First time a man ever won an argument against a woman.
And the last time, I bet
Floorist
The Almighty
Best one yet.
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
I don't flip people off.
I make a hand unicorn.
I make a hand unicorn.
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
Pissing people off 
Pissing People Off
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich,
large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless
man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime.
She said 'sorry about the wait'.
I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went
into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said
'Any Change?'
I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've
found that a bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a
fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a
photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days
when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus
and think to yourself. I'm going to take that.'
I took my Biology exam last Friday.
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct
answers.
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but
pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Pissing People Off
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich,
large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless
man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime.
She said 'sorry about the wait'.
I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went
into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said
'Any Change?'
I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the
doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've
found that a bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a
fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a
photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days
when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus
and think to yourself. I'm going to take that.'
I took my Biology exam last Friday.
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct
answers.
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but
pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Floorist
The Almighty
New symbol for Democratic party (gimme)
Floorist
The Almighty
Floorist
The Almighty
2
