Uh oh.... 
Joke time....
- Thread starter Birddogyz
- Start date
A retired physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
*Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
*Remember:* Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!
P.S. Written in large print for old Geezers
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
*Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
*Remember:* Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!
P.S. Written in large print for old Geezers
'Cause
NOBODY
Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
The word "swims" upside down is still "swims".
Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
Your future self is watching you right now through memories.
The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.
If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day".
(It does fall on a Tuesday)
What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
The word "swims" upside down is still "swims".
Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
Your future self is watching you right now through memories.
The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.
If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day".
(It does fall on a Tuesday)
oldognewtrick
In memory of
An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.
All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.
How do you like it here?" asked the grandson"
It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents,"
Abdullah said with a big smile.
"There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years,
and everyone still calls him Maestro!
There is a judge in here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years
and everyone still calls him Your Honor.
There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years,
and everyone still calls him Doctor!
And Me - I haven't had sex for 35 years, and they still call me The ******* Arab.
All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.
How do you like it here?" asked the grandson"
It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents,"
Abdullah said with a big smile.
"There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years,
and everyone still calls him Maestro!
There is a judge in here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years
and everyone still calls him Your Honor.
There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years,
and everyone still calls him Doctor!
And Me - I haven't had sex for 35 years, and they still call me The ******* Arab.
Floorist
The Almighty
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Floorist
The Almighty
If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today?
One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man.
I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”
One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man.
I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”
oldognewtrick
In memory of
This is why I love Jeeps.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
Too cool to cut the grass with.
I like it!!
I'd be proud to mow the lawn with that!
'Cause
NOBODY
So... If I had a mower like that, you would be proud to come cut my grass !?!
You have scrub brush and rocks, don't you? Maybe a flame thrower might work better?
Evening JF.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
How's your day been?
OOPS! Wrong thread. Sorry.
Evening Tom.
Evening Tom.
Floorist
The Almighty
A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending,
and they should be as close together as possible. —George Burns.
and they should be as close together as possible. —George Burns.
oldognewtrick
In memory of
2
